As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
