I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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