I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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