When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
