Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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