You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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