Pregnant stripper...not hot.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
