while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
