Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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