textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
