last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
