he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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