Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
