I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
