I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I need moral support for this bender
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
