My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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