If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
