This dress was meant to end up on your floor
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
