you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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