the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
