i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Its about making memories worth repressing
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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