haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
