Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
