Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
