OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
