In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She is in my trunk
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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