We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
