a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
