Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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