so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
