i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
