i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
