It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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