My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
