I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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