just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
