I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
