ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
