I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
