Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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