It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
