I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
