I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
