Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
