its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
