At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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