Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
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Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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