i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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