Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
