There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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