WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The beer is more important than you right now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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