its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
