She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
