dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
