we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
