yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
