I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
