i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
