My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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