What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
