Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
