I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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