since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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