FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
