I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
