The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
